Society's rules

We grew up in an innocence/guilt society but we’re now living and working around people who primarily grew up in honor/shame societies. There is no right or wrong, all three structures are addressed in the Bible, but it takes some adjusting. I’ve had some social and cultural blunders in our short time here.

First and foremost, what’s the difference? What motivates you to do what is right?

Do you get a ‘guilty conscience’ if you’re breaking the rules? Tommy always laughs at me for seeing the world in black and white- it’s right or it’s wrong, there isn’t much grey. I’m a work in progress- what can I say. I’m a rule follower and feel guilty if I break a rule- even if no one else knows (or cares for that matter). Our justice system centers around the idea that people are innocent until proven guilty. American churches focus the gospel message on the cleansing power of Jesus’ blood- bringing innocence and washing us white as snow (which in itself is humorous as this was a passage in a dessert region where snow occurred only on the mountaintops).

Fear and power can be seen in some relationships where there is a strong sense of one person in authority and others who are subordinates. Many cultures around the world see the acts of power of God and turn to Him because they know that the deities they worshiped could perform no such acts. Do you fear the wrath of God?

That brings us to honor and shame. Are you concerned about your actions bringing shame upon your family? Are you concerned about your actions bringing shame upon the name of Christ? Do your actions bring honor to God? One of the top ten (commandments) in the Bible stresses honoring parents to such a point that it is the only commandment that comes with a promise.

Most people are not entirely influenced by solely one structure. While our Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal, many people still struggle with issues of fear and power between race and class structures. When I correct one of our girls her immediate response is to hang her head in shame. She is beyond embarrassed to be corrected (and if it occurs in a more public setting, she’ll curl up for the duration of our visit).

I’m not used to dealing in an honor/shame society though. The manager of our apartment complex came to find out about a car that was straddling two spaces. I didn’t recognize it and mentioned my own responsibility in their parking as my car (next to it) was on the line making it difficult for them to be within the lines of the next space. I didn’t see it as a huge problem as there are always empty spots in our complex, but apparently he viewed it as a major issue as he proudly proclaimed he’d already had three cars towed that day. He knocked on our neighbor’s door to see if they knew the owner of the vehicle. After a loud heated discussion in their shared native tongue, they switched over to English and the driver started complaining about the size of the spaces (she’s right- they’re tiny, which is why I was over the line). That didn’t go over so well and the manager started yelling that she’d be fined $200 and if it happened again they’d be evicted. My activist/black and white nature kicked in and I questioned the legality of his threats. Really, who gets evicted over a parking violation? After he left the neighbor and I continued our discussion over the ridiculousness of the entire situation. Upon going inside Tommy just sighed. The manager reacted so strongly only after being yelled at by a woman (he’d been very civil while talking to me, but since it wasn’t my car, my temper hadn’t risen). In some cultures worse things than eviction could have happened to her. One of the six year olds that comes for homework help confirmed Tommy’s suspicions. He wanted to know all the details of the fight and why my neighbor was yelling at him. I hadn’t realized we’d created enough of a scene to attract attention, but apparently the whole neighborhood was watching and listening. So perhaps another woman butting into the dispute next door may have heaped more shame upon him.

I’ve also learned that I can’t just talk to friends on the steps outside our apartment, no matter how messy our apartment may be. If I don’t invite them in, it brings dishonor. Guess I have to keep the house clean at all times.

Despite these blunders (and more) there’s grace and forgiveness. There’s an understanding that the cultures are different and so the infractions aren’t viewed the same as if it were coming from a native of their country. Do we extend the same grace to others, showing them patience and kindness as they learn our customs and values? All too often I hear the sentiments that you need to learn American ways if you’re going to be here. It’s not that I disagree with that statement, but how? How are people to intimately learn the ins and outs of American culture if we don’t extend grace to them and take the time around them. Did you know that most immigrants or international students are never invited into the homes of US citizens?

Paul was shown grace- both God’s grace, but also that of believers. As Saul, he believed he was honoring God by martyring these heretics, but God extended grace and forgiveness. Paul does not hide his shame in his former behavior, but also uses it to demonstrate God’s mercy. The apostles too extended grace to Paul. They did not hold his previous sins against him. Paul knew his sins and felt their weight, but he also knew the love of a Savior who washed away his sins and cleansed him white as snow. He then used his redemption to bring honor to God.

12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service;
13 even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. And yet I was shown mercy, because I acted ignorantly in unbelief;
14 and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus.
15 It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.
16 And yet for this reason I found mercy, in order that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience, as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life.
17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
(1Ti 1:12-17 NAS)

So what motivates you? Are you driven to live your life for God out of a sense of fear and reverence… maybe you are moved by the sin that you should bear but Christ replaced with innocence… or maybe you’re seeking to bring honor and glory to God.