Conflicted, Convicted, Confessed, and Cleansed

I was talking to my Arabic teacher today about the state of things in Lebanon.  To put it mildly, they’re horrific.  Things have deteriorated so much in the time since we first moved, but especially rapidly in the last year alone.  Three fourths of the population is now living in poverty, and many are quite literally living in darkness as some areas are only getting two hours of electricity a day.  Many have given up meat and dairy, not because of any dietary or ethical restrictions, but rather out of financial necessity.  It’s also disturbing to know that many pharmacies have closed because there is a lack of medicine to be had in the country.      And yet, the government has done nothing.  There have been no changes implemented to help the people.  It is as though they see only the ways to line their own pockets or those of their friends.     I have struggled knowing what to say or do, feeling on one hand as though I too have abandoned them in this time of need, yet on the other hand believe that God has shown us our work here in this season.

James 2:1-4  My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. 2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in.3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

We’ve given up a lot since leaving Bainbridge but by the world’s standards, there’s no question that we are still the rich man.  The rich might not ask for special attention, yet it’s expected.  We might not see the discrimination happening right in front of us but sometimes dare not open our eyes.  The extremes may not be as stark as they are in Lebanon now, but favoritism exists none the less.    I’ve tried to keep my eyes open.  I’ve tried to help those on the floor find a seat, but I admit, I haven’t truly given mine up.  I felt conviction the other day when I walked away from a visit grumbling and complaining. Perhaps it was compassion fatigue, but really, I knew God was pointing out the sin I needed to root out of my heart before it had a chance to grow.   I was upset because the family didn’t see things the way I saw them, nor were they making the choices that I felt were best to make… and yet, I haven’t ever seen things from their perspective, I’ve never been on the verge of homelessness and encountered the struggles they have on a daily basis.  God in His mercy reminded me that trauma and fear can alter the way people think and view things.   I’m hoping that none of these sinful frustrations were noticed by the family and after much prayer I noticed a true change of heart on subsequent visits and accepted that sometimes the best help is the help they’re asking for rather than the help I think they need.

Galatians 6:8-10 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

There are so many needs right now and sometimes it can feel like there just isn’t enough time, energy, laborers or resources to meet them all and yet I know it pales in comparison to the current needs in Lebanon and globally.  It can be difficult to know when we’re helping and when we’re enabling.     We need strength and endurance to keep going, discernment in order to sow to please the Spirit and eyes open in order to ensure favoritism isn’t shown.